Dear Lorraine,
My 3 year old won’t sit at the table no matter what. He fusses, picks at his food and leaves and we can’t keep him there. He rarely eats what I make; he’s not really hungry because he raids my cupboards any time he wants. I’ve tried sending him to his room, but he even gets on top of the counters to get snacks I hide in the highest shelves and I worry about him falling off. We’re frustrated and mad. He’s a very sweet boy, but how can we stop this?
LG, Watsonville, CA
Dear Lonely Diner,
Here’s what you do:
1- Announce your new eating routine. Your new family tradition is this: everyone eats together at dinner and stays at the table until they are excused by you. All snacking stops 1 hour before meal time. Snacks are light and fresh, like fruit and veggie slices.
2- If he’s starving when you pick him up from daycare, plan ahead and have a few whole grain crackers and fresh fruit slices in the car for the ride home. It’s very important that others in his life are on board for consistency, i.e. Grandma, daycare providers and family members: No food 1 hour before dinner time.
3- Because he may really be hungry due to growing, please let him eat veggies and healthy snacks freely until that hour before. You don’t want to send the message that he can’t eat when he’s hungry.
4- When he complains, remind him that dinner’s on the way. Show him a timer so he can watch the hour arrive, and have him set the table and help you cook. When kids are part of the prep, they’re more likely to eat. Another tip: bring him in on the weekly menu planning. This way, he gets some of the foods he likes, and still expands his palette.
5- Climbing on the counters to reach high snacks? This could be a symptom of desperation. Sometimes kids eat like this when they’re troubled or there’s a family issue that’s not being talked about. Our kids simply reflect us. What’s going on with you that may be hidden? Are you happy and honest with yourself? His ‘sneaking’ could indicate something bigger. That being said, put the goodies that ruin his appetite in a locked cupboard- put a small hasp and lock on your ‘empty carb stash’ that’s only opened by you for occasional enjoyment together. Stray from using these foods as reward.
6- MOST IMPORTANT STEP: Calmly remind him at meal time, “In our family, we all sit at the table for dinner.” When he resists and he leaves, remove his plate and make sure that there’s no food available for him until morning at breakfast. This isn’t harsh, this is necessary. Watch for food in the fridge- put munchies where he can’t get them, and for a time you may need to stop buying some things your family enjoys, but it will be worth it.
7- Tantrums are to be expected. Acknowledge his frustration, and remind him of your new tradition: eating is at meal times except for healthy snacks up to 1 hour before. Weekends are the best time to really perfect this new structure if you’re a busy working parent. After you acknowledge his frustration, ignore him. Tell him that when he’s relaxed you can have time together again. Be firm about this. No spanking, hitting or yelling please. Just be calm. Train him that you’ll respond to him when he stops acting out.
There you go. This works. Your consistency is the key. And your calmness. Repeat the same routine daily, and within 1 week, if you really mean business, he’ll understand your new family rule. Soon he’ll relax in the security that you mean what you say. I promise.
Send your questions and comments to: lorraine@lorrainepursell.com with ‘Ask Aunt Lorraine’ in the subject or P. O. Box 555, Honaunau, Hawai’i 96726. Thank you!
Want to use this article? You may IF you add the entire following blurb:
Since 1995, Lorraine Pursell, family counselor and educational therapist, empowers parents in Their Greatest Job On Earth. Want to raise responsible kids who connect with you? Go to www.TheClosenessYouCrave.com. And claim your FR*EE monthly ‘Parent Empowerment 4-Pack’ at www.LorrainePursell.com.
0 Responses to “My 3 Year Old Won’t Stay at the Table…”