Last time, I wrote that the #1 reason kids don’t do their homework is because it isn’t FUN! I gave you tips about how to make a welcoming and comfortable spot for homework. Today I’ll give you another super remedy. This one is really important.
Remember I said that homework never ends and that we never escape it? (And that I didn’t want to depress you?) We’ve got bills to pay, bank statements to do, forms to fill out and emails to answer, don’t we. Argh!
Take your homework to the kitchen table with your child. Do your homework together. Be there with him or her. This adds another level of pleasantness to their task. Imagine how it would be for your child in a well-lit dining room, maybe with the smells of stew cooking, and you’re there doing your stuff with them. They now have company, which is a big plus, and you’re there if they need help!
Just so you understand, this isn’t the time when you say, “Sorry, I can’t help you now- I’m busy.” This is a time when you are totally available to coach your child through those tough math problems. You’re really just keeping busy so you can be there for them when they need you without breathing down their neck or pressuring them. A side-benefit is that you might get something done.
Now, if you’re grumbling about the things you’re doing while you’re there at the table with your child, what kind of impression is that making on him or her? You probably don’t want to promote griping about homework, so try a new attitude. Because you are the strongest influence on your child, pretend if needed, to somewhat enjoy your processes and try convey how good it feels to do a job well and to complete a task.
Parenting is the time to put your best foot forward. Everything you do they’ll do, and none more than in attitude. Our sloppy attitudes carry as strongly as echoes in the Grand Canyon- our complaining broadcasts permission to our children to do the same.
You are under the microscope pretty much from the day they’re born. Since they’ll also have homework for the rest of their lives, why don’t you give them the gift of a great attitude toward the things we need to do to maintain and survive, and nip complaining in the bud?
This is also a great time to begin instilling pride in a job well-done. Gloat over how good it feels to pay bills, to plan ahead, to get caught up and admire your work when it’s finished. Look at your stack of envelopes all ready to go with return addresses and stamps, or clip your paid bills together with flair. Show your work proudly to him or her, and believe me, they’ll do the same with you.
Make this a nightly ritual. While the Hamburger Helper’s bubbling, at least sit for 10 minutes while they get settled and started, put your pile off to the side to return to it after dinner, then go to the stove. Tell him or her that you’ll be right here if they need you.
This little prescription is so valuable. I dare you to take the 1 month challenge with this and see where your child ends up on the homework front. Here’s the challenge:
1- Sit at the dining room table with your child and do your homework with them.
2- You’re there as an incognito homework coach- this isn’t the time to be too busy to help. You’re there for them, and you might get something done! Their homework is priority.
3- Have a stellar attitude while you do your stuff, realizing that this is a prime opportunity to teach pride in their good work.
4- At least start your homework with them for 10 minutes before you get to dinner; put your stuff in a pile that you’ll resume after dinner with him or her.
5- Be sure to tell them that while you’re doing dinner, you’re right there for them if they hit a snag.
Let me know how this goes for you.
So now you have 2 ways to make the homework experience more pleasant, warm and gratifying.
Another installment on making homework more pleasant is coming soon.
Lorraine
Your questions and comments are welcome: lorraine@lorrainepursell.com with ‘Evolving Parent’ in the subject, or P. O. Box 555, Honaunau, Hawai’i 96726. Thanks!
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Since 1995, Lorraine Pursell, national parenting expert, has empowered thousands of parents, kids and educators through counseling and educational therapy. Raise responsible kids who connect with you at www.ClosenessYouCrave.com. And get your FR*EE monthly ‘Parent Empowerment 3-Pack’ at www.LorrainePursell.com.
