Author Archive for LorraineP

Can We Talk on the Phone Today?

Published
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LorraineP
on August 15, 2009
in Parent Blog
. 0 Comments

Can We Talk on the Phone Today?

As a Global Family Healer, I’ve pondered lately about healing in all directions of time.

My Coaching Group ( www.ClosenessYouCrave.com ) and I discussed this topic this Tuesday evening from the reaches of Canada, the East Coast, California and Hawai’i. It was extremely edifying.

We explored what it meant to heal our family systems in all directions of time, and the power in compassion and forgiveness.

One member told a story about how spilling things was ‘just not done’ when he was a boy- consequences for this could be severe. Decades later, this man and his father were at a restaurant, and while his Dad reached for something, his buttermilk toppled and covered their table.

This was the moment: where was the son going to go with this- retribution or compassion? My client said, “It’s Okay, Pops; we’ll get you another glass of buttermilk.” And they all joined in with the waitress to start anew.

What’s astounding about this example? My client broke the cycle. He allowed his aging father to feel a refreshing, freeing emotion that he’d NEVER experienced before. And in so doing, my client opened the doorway to ‘quantum healing.’

I take this a step further- I believe that this doorway opened light and love into all this man’s past generations, to his ancestors back through time, and introduced a feeling not experienced before, something new and thusly healing to ancient pain and wounds.

But not only to his past generations- I believe that when we heal and let light and love into our own hearts, that we also heal the generations who are yet to come- our children’s children and on into eternity.

This is ‘The Quantum Healing Parent.’ It’s my new work. It’s where I’m fascinated. It’s where I want to explore healing families. If you’d like to know more, or would like to have a complimentary Strategy Session call with me, email me at Lorraine@LorrainePursell.com with ‘Strategy Session’ in the subject, and answer these 6 questions. Responses without these 6 questions answered will not qualify:

1-My frustrations with my family and its members are:

2-My dream relationship with my family, my ideal is:

3-What I need help with is this:

4-My phone number:

5-The best times to reach me are:

6-I’m in this time zone:

We’ll schedule a Strategy Session call and see what happens.

If you’re one of the first to reply, I may call you immediately.

I look forward to exploring how I can serve you.

Yours in Parenting Ease,

Lorraine Pursell,

“World Wide Family Healer”

It’s so good to be back with you all!

Published
by
LorraineP
on July 14, 2009
in Parent Blog
. 0 Comments

Lorraine’s Parent Blog

It’s so good to be back. I just finished recuperating from my recent speaking tour on the Mainland, and boy was it exciting and a blessing. I met so many wonderful new people and parents who are so interested in doing the ‘Right Parent Thing.’ I am always inspired when I complete one of these tours, but this time I was particularly inspired by the turnouts of committed parents. Thank you to all of you who came to hear me speak and attended my workshops.
My son, Mark, actually contributed to 2 of my workshops. He answered questions from a boy’s point of view for The Closeness You Crave Coaching Program, which served to be VERY helpful and insightful. He also appeared at Design the Family You Want Day-Long Transformational Workshop and spoke for an hour while Sadie Lorraine, my 2 year old granddaughter, enjoyed walking me all around the room and exploring with her. Participants were rather ‘spell-bound’ by Mark. Here’s this hulking 29 year old takes over my class, saying whatever he feels led to say, and giving VERY valuable insights, and answering parenting questions honestly, candidly and unguardedly. For those of you who missed it, it’s rather amazing to hear him say the good, the not-so-good and the surprising about his and my parent-child journey, and how he’s raising his own children.
Could there be anything more wonderful than my own son contributing to my programs? It takes me back to our Aptos dining room when he was just 16 and he said he wanted to help me write my book about showing parents how to create a close relationship with their children like we’d managed together. This is a beautiful full circle for me.
I’m also very proud to introduce 2 very special ladies to you. Julie Dickie of Kona will be assisting me with daily details of the Parenting Evolution and Sanya Texiera of Kona will handle web stuff, marketing and campaigns. I feel very blessed to have this new team on board. I will be heading off into the rivers and channels of serving you with my “God-downloads,” and Sanya and Julie will make it possible by freeing up my energy so I can tap in to the Source and serve you in new and heightened ways. I look forward to seeing what will evolve now that I’ve freed up my brain. Thank you, Julie and Sanya for making this shift possible.
All for now. Check out my free teleclass tomorrow and I can’t wait to connect with you!
All my love and Aloha, Lorraine

#1 Reason Kids Don’t Do Their Homework- pt 4

Published
by
LorraineP
on March 28, 2009
in Parent Blog
. 1 Comment

pt 4

Welcome back to this series. In the last 3 articles we explored 3 strong concepts: Kids don’t do their homework because it’s not fun; Make it friendly be at the dining room table doing your homework along side them; Teach your younger kids that this is a special big-person time to lay a strong foundation for them. Today we’ll talk about having an established time to do homework.

It’s important that your child is supported to do their homework at the same time each day. On days that there are other activities that interfere with this time, then an alternate plan needs to be in place.

The best time to do homework is 1st thing when your child gets home. No other activities take place until the homework is finished correctly, and I know that you and your child both may balk at this. Your child may insist that they need a play break, have time to be with the neighborhood kids and run some energy off, or play a favorite video or online game before homework.

They may be right and only you know for sure, but what does this kind of routine do to your family? Does the homework really get finished this way? Are they able to finish before bedtime and is homework only a second thought instead of a priority? In my many workshops, I show parents how to support their entire family by teaching delayed gratification, the fine art of being rewarded AFTER tasks are finished to satisfaction.

I won’t preach here about how our children are giving up when thinks get hard because they haven’t learned determination or grown mental and emotional muscles.

You may use this article only if you add the following entirely:
Since 1995, Lorraine Pursell, national parenting expert, has empowered thousands of parents, kids and educators through counseling and educational therapy. Raise responsible kids who connect with you at www.ClosenessYouCrave.com. And get your FR*EE monthly ‘Parent Empowerment 3-Pack’ at www.LorrainePursell.com.

It’s So Good to Be With You Again!

Published
by
LorraineP
on March 15, 2009
in Parent Blog
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OMG! I’m so glad to be with you again! I’ve been scheming and scheduling my spring speaking tour and I hope you’ll join me somewhere. I’ll be presenting “3 Pro-Secrets to Discipline that Work!” We’re lining up places, making arrangements, setting dates. Phew! I’ll be so happy to meet you in person at one of my stops. I’ll keep you posted.

SantaCruzParent.com is sponsoring part of my Santa Cruz/Monterey County leg, and I’m sure Parmalee Taff, SCParent.com’s cherished owner, will let you know every detail as it evolves. She’ll pick a great place and time just for you, so you can r-e-l-a-x and let me feed and nurture you like you deserve, so you can feed and nurture your family!

AND, be sure to reserve your spot for “Design the Family You Want Transformational Workshop.” It’s the weekend of the 30th and 31st, 9am - 6pm. Plan to spend the entire day with me so you get the most out of you time and money. I believe Santa Cruz will be on Saturday, and San Jose will be on Sunday. So please save those prospective dates so we can spend the day playing together. I’d love that. We’ll have the webpage up soon for registration, so as soon as it is up, grab your spot because seating is limited- I’d hate for you to miss it!

PLUS, on this trip I get to see my amazing son, Mark, my granddaughter, Sadie Lorraine (she just turned 2 in January) and meet my new grandson, Wyatt, who was born January 17! It’s going to be a rich and full trip. I can hardly wait to see all of my friends in Santa Cruz and San Jose. That means YOU.

So, I guess this is just a quick catch-up note to say Hi. I always trust that you are well. I’ll be in touch with you soon, and remember about May 30th and 31st for Design the Family You Want. You don’t want to miss this!

My love to you and your family.

Yours in Parenting Ease,
Lorraine
You may use this article only if you add the following entirely:
Since 1995, Lorraine Pursell, national parenting expert, has empowered thousands of parents, kids and educators through counseling and educational therapy. Raise responsible kids who connect with you at www.ClosenessYouCrave.com. And get your FR*EE monthly ‘Parent Empowerment 3-Pack’ at www.LorrainePursell.com.

Make Homework Better Series- #2

Published
by
LorraineP
on March 5, 2009
in Parent Blog
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Last time, I wrote that the #1 reason kids don’t do their homework is because it isn’t FUN! I gave you tips about how to make a welcoming and comfortable spot for homework. Today I’ll give you another super remedy. This one is really important.

Remember I said that homework never ends and that we never escape it? (And that I didn’t want to depress you?) We’ve got bills to pay, bank statements to do, forms to fill out and emails to answer, don’t we. Argh!

Take your homework to the kitchen table with your child. Do your homework together. Be there with him or her. This adds another level of pleasantness to their task. Imagine how it would be for your child in a well-lit dining room, maybe with the smells of stew cooking, and you’re there doing your stuff with them. They now have company, which is a big plus, and you’re there if they need help!

Just so you understand, this isn’t the time when you say, “Sorry, I can’t help you now- I’m busy.” This is a time when you are totally available to coach your child through those tough math problems. You’re really just keeping busy so you can be there for them when they need you without breathing down their neck or pressuring them. A side-benefit is that you might get something done.

Now, if you’re grumbling about the things you’re doing while you’re there at the table with your child, what kind of impression is that making on him or her? You probably don’t want to promote griping about homework, so try a new attitude. Because you are the strongest influence on your child, pretend if needed, to somewhat enjoy your processes and try convey how good it feels to do a job well and to complete a task.

Parenting is the time to put your best foot forward. Everything you do they’ll do, and none more than in attitude. Our sloppy attitudes carry as strongly as echoes in the Grand Canyon- our complaining broadcasts permission to our children to do the same.

You are under the microscope pretty much from the day they’re born. Since they’ll also have homework for the rest of their lives, why don’t you give them the gift of a great attitude toward the things we need to do to maintain and survive, and nip complaining in the bud?

This is also a great time to begin instilling pride in a job well-done. Gloat over how good it feels to pay bills, to plan ahead, to get caught up and admire your work when it’s finished. Look at your stack of envelopes all ready to go with return addresses and stamps, or clip your paid bills together with flair. Show your work proudly to him or her, and believe me, they’ll do the same with you.

Make this a nightly ritual. While the Hamburger Helper’s bubbling, at least sit for 10 minutes while they get settled and started, put your pile off to the side to return to it after dinner, then go to the stove. Tell him or her that you’ll be right here if they need you.
This little prescription is so valuable. I dare you to take the 1 month challenge with this and see where your child ends up on the homework front. Here’s the challenge:

1- Sit at the dining room table with your child and do your homework with them.
2- You’re there as an incognito homework coach- this isn’t the time to be too busy to help. You’re there for them, and you might get something done! Their homework is priority.
3- Have a stellar attitude while you do your stuff, realizing that this is a prime opportunity to teach pride in their good work.
4- At least start your homework with them for 10 minutes before you get to dinner; put your stuff in a pile that you’ll resume after dinner with him or her.
5- Be sure to tell them that while you’re doing dinner, you’re right there for them if they hit a snag.

Let me know how this goes for you.

So now you have 2 ways to make the homework experience more pleasant, warm and gratifying.

Another installment on making homework more pleasant is coming soon.

Lorraine

Your questions and comments are welcome: lorraine@lorrainepursell.com with ‘Evolving Parent’ in the subject, or P. O. Box 555, Honaunau, Hawai’i 96726. Thanks!

You may use this article only if you add the following entirely:
Since 1995, Lorraine Pursell, national parenting expert, has empowered thousands of parents, kids and educators through counseling and educational therapy. Raise responsible kids who connect with you at www.ClosenessYouCrave.com. And get your FR*EE monthly ‘Parent Empowerment 3-Pack’ at www.LorrainePursell.com.

The Prize of The Parenting Village

Published
by
LorraineP
on February 18, 2009
in Parent Blog
. 0 Comments

We just finished a stellar coaching call for February in my program, The Closeness You Crave: How to Raise Responsible Kids Who Connect with You! (www.ClosenessYoucrave.com). What a joy! One parent said, “This is the village we no longer have!” Yes. Whatever happened to the Villages of long ago? /well, they’re being replaced by coaching programs, mother’s groups, father’s groups, home schooling groups, parent forums. It’s a marvelous movement and it inspires again my faith in my species.

Back in the day there were villages- small groups of clans who lived and worked together. Everyone looked after each others’ children. Sobonfu Somé (”The Spirit of Intimacy,” Harper Quill, New York, 2002) did not know who her mother was until she was 6 in her African village, Dagara. I am charmed as I read her accounts of ‘Aunties’ raising her with all the other village children in one big family, learning appropriate behavior and acceptable customs. We have villages here in Hawai’i; older women are called Aunties, there is respect for elders and ‘family’ is King.

But maybe it’s the bussing to homogenizing schools that breaks up the village. Lorraine Rodero Inouye who valiantly ran for mayor of The Big Island of Hawai’i, wanted to restore the self-sustaining villages that once existed- each section has its own markets, hospitals, farms, ranchers, schools, and all needs are met by its residents. All worked together for the good of the community; love, loyalty and pride for one’s village thrived.

Today, we’ve inspired new ways to be supported in raising our children. Whether you’re Democrat, Republican or in-between, Hillary’s proclamation the “It Takes a Village” is true for this important role.

I have teleclasses to create community. My parent community stretches from Hawai’i to Canada, Illinois and places in between. Because we’re so spread out these days, we’re only a phone call and email away and the closeness is felt by parents sharing like incidences and situations: an ADD child here, a strong-willed teen there, a baby’s colic here, an insecure kindergartener there. “How do I make thus-and-such happen? What do I do about this-and-that?”

As the parent expert I usually have an answer for just about every situation, but the beauty is that other parents contribute to the answer and solve the issue altogether. I hear over and over,” it’-so-nice-to-know-I’m-not-alone-in-this” sigh of relief often. It really is a ‘Parent Master-Mind” where all great like-minded parents contribute to the well-being of the whole- our global community.

It’s a marvelous thing watching the village’s wisdom unfold. What wisdom do you have to share? How can you comfort a worried parent? How would you solve a parent’s problem? We’re waiting to hear!

If you are looking for the support of a community- people who’ve ‘got your back,’ we’re here. You’re welcome to check us out. www.ClosenessYouCrave.com.

We’d love to have you with us. It’s warm in here. We shield each other from the storms. We love each others’ children. We care about you as a parent immensely.

-Lorraine

Your questions and comments are welcome: lorraine@lorrainepursell.com with ‘Evolving Parent’ in the subject, or P.O.Box 555, Honaunau, Hawai’i  96726. Thanks!

You may use this article only if you add the following entirely:
Since 1995, Lorraine Pursell, family counselor and educational therapist, has empowered thousands of parents, kids and educators. To raise responsible kids who connect with you, go to www.ClosenessYouCrave.com. Claim your FR*EE monthly ‘Parent Empowerment 3-Pack’ at www.LorrainePursell.com.

#1 Reason Your Child Won’t Do Homework

Published
by
LorraineP
on February 17, 2009
in Parent Blog
. 0 Comments

It’s one of the 3 biggest complaints I hear from parents: “My child won’t get to his homework, or finish it, or it takes FOREVER.”

I’m sure it won’t take much for you to remember why you didn’t want to do yours, either. It’s not fun. Plain and simple- it’s just not fun. Your child has been at school all day, now they get to have more of the same at home, in their sanctuary and refuge (brother, will it ever end?)

Probably not. A wise man in one of my California workshops pointed out that homework never ends. As you mentally trace your own adult life, how much homework do you think you have? When you add it up, it’s quite a lot: bills, bank statements, IRS forms, applications to fill out, calls to return, emails to answer. I don’t want to depress you, but it’s a fact of life. Homework never goes away. So even though we hate it, handling it is a life skill your child will need to succeed.

So how do we make peace with the beast? Since it is no fun, let me give you some tips over this next series of articles to at least bring it a little further up the fun meter. Here’s today’s tip:

Make a welcoming, comfortable place for your child to do their homework. I do not recommend sticking your child in their room to do their homework. Even though this may seem counter-intuitive, what would you do if you were left alone in your room with all your cool stuff? I know what I’d do- I’d be playing, drawing pictures on the windows, ANYTHING but homework!

Create a nice, quiet corner, somewhere outside their room, where they can nestle in and GET IT DONE. Give them a special lamp with good light. Let them decorate this cubby the way they want. Maybe they want to draw something for the wall and hang it up. Give them a sense of pride and nurturing in this special spot.

If a corner is not available, then the kitchen table will do. (This is a good time to train others that this is a quiet time- more on this in the series.)

Equip their special homework place with all the erasable pens, sharpened pencils, erasers, rulers, crayons and fresh paper needed to feel well-stocked and taken care of. School is your child’s career for now. Teach him or her to take pride (another how-to tip coming later) in their work. Keep this area clean, neat and tidy and keep supplies in a caddy that can be removed for meal times.

Another nurturing idea is to just ask your child where at the table that they’d like to be their ‘spot.’ This means a lot to them- your son or daughter will feel some ownership in the location. Encourage them to move from place to place until they find the one that feels just right, like Goldilocks.

You can even construct cardboard walls that sit on the table, like a study carrel in the library, so they feel less distracted.

Want to learn how to be Your Child’s Best Homework Coach? This is one of the amazing classes I teach in The Closeness You Crave: How to Raise Responsible Kids Who Connect with You! You can check it out at www.ClosenessYouCrave.com.

Until next time, have a blast in your Greatest Job on Earth!
-Lorraine

Send your questions and comments to: lorraine@lorrainepursell.com with ‘Evolving Parent’ in the subject, or to P.O. Box 555, Honaunau, Hawai’i 96726. Thank you!

Since 1995, Lorraine Pursell, family counselor and educational therapist, has empowered thousands of parents, kids and educators. To raise responsible kids who connect with you, go to www.ClosenessYouCrave.com. Claim your FR*EE monthly ‘Parent Empowerment 3-Pack’ at www.LorrainePursell.com.

My 3 Year Old Won’t Stay at the Table…

Published
by
LorraineP
on February 5, 2009
in Ask Aunt Lorraine
. 0 Comments

Dear Lorraine,
My 3 year old won’t sit at the table no matter what. He fusses, picks at his food and leaves and we can’t keep him there. He rarely eats what I make; he’s not really hungry because he raids my cupboards any time he wants. I’ve tried sending him to his room, but he even gets on top of the counters to get snacks I hide in the highest shelves and I worry about him falling off. We’re frustrated and mad. He’s a very sweet boy, but how can we stop this?
LG, Watsonville, CA

Dear Lonely Diner,
Here’s what you do:

1- Announce your new eating routine. Your new family tradition is this: everyone eats together at dinner and stays at the table until they are excused by you. All snacking stops 1 hour before meal time. Snacks are light and fresh, like fruit and veggie slices.

2- If he’s starving when you pick him up from daycare, plan ahead and have a few whole grain crackers and fresh fruit slices in the car for the ride home. It’s very important that others in his life are on board for consistency, i.e. Grandma, daycare providers and family members: No food 1 hour before dinner time.

3- Because he may really be hungry due to growing, please let him eat veggies and healthy snacks freely until that hour before. You don’t want to send the message that he can’t eat when he’s hungry.

4- When he complains, remind him that dinner’s on the way. Show him a timer so he can watch the hour arrive, and have him set the table and help you cook. When kids are part of the prep, they’re more likely to eat. Another tip: bring him in on the weekly menu planning. This way, he gets some of the foods he likes, and still expands his palette.

5- Climbing on the counters to reach high snacks? This could be a symptom of desperation. Sometimes kids eat like this when they’re troubled or there’s a family issue that’s not being talked about. Our kids simply reflect us. What’s going on with you that may be hidden? Are you happy and honest with yourself? His ‘sneaking’ could indicate something bigger. That being said, put the goodies that ruin his appetite in a locked cupboard- put a small hasp and lock on your ‘empty carb stash’ that’s only opened by you for occasional enjoyment together. Stray from using these foods as reward.

6- MOST IMPORTANT STEP: Calmly remind him at meal time, “In our family, we all sit at the table for dinner.” When he resists and he leaves, remove his plate and make sure that there’s no food available for him until morning at breakfast. This isn’t harsh, this is necessary. Watch for food in the fridge- put munchies where he can’t get them, and for a time you may need to stop buying some things your family enjoys, but it will be worth it.

7- Tantrums are to be expected. Acknowledge his frustration, and remind him of your new tradition: eating is at meal times except for healthy snacks up to 1 hour before. Weekends are the best time to really perfect this new structure if you’re a busy working parent. After you acknowledge his frustration, ignore him. Tell him that when he’s relaxed you can have time together again. Be firm about this. No spanking, hitting or yelling please. Just be calm. Train him that you’ll respond to him when he stops acting out.

There you go. This works. Your consistency is the key. And your calmness. Repeat the same routine daily, and within 1 week, if you really mean business, he’ll understand your new family rule. Soon he’ll relax in the security that you mean what you say. I promise.

Send your questions and comments to: lorraine@lorrainepursell.com with ‘Ask Aunt Lorraine’ in the subject or P. O. Box 555, Honaunau, Hawai’i 96726. Thank you!

Want to use this article? You may IF you add the entire following blurb:
Since 1995, Lorraine Pursell, family counselor and educational therapist, empowers parents in Their Greatest Job On Earth. Want to raise responsible kids who connect with you? Go to www.TheClosenessYouCrave.com. And claim your FR*EE monthly ‘Parent Empowerment 4-Pack’ at www.LorrainePursell.com.

Published
by
LorraineP
on February 3, 2009
in Parent Blog
. 0 Comments

Okay, I’m sitting here in my almost-finished-cottage, editing my new, hot year-long coaching program, “The Closeness You Crave: Raise Responsible Kids Who Connect To You,” and I hear Ryan Seacrest on the radio say that Brittney Spears is enlisting her Dad and Kfed to come on tour with her- JUST TO SUPPORT THE KIDS! Now this is what I call innovative parenting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love you, Brittney. You GOT IT! I don’t care what kinds of issues we have as parents, if we pull our heads out, this is what counts! Don’t cha love it professional parents? Figure out a way to support your precious kids from feeling abandoned. You’re DONE! DUH- grandparents, exes, who cares? Listen to your kids. They’ll tell you what and who they need! Earn enough money to pay your sub-parents’ way wherever you go. I fully support this. After all, we are the FIRST generation to raise our children alone!

Can you tell I’m passionate about this? Brittney, I love you- you’re taking care of your bambinos FIRST while you progress your career. Thank you.

This reminds me of one night at Bittersweet Bistro in Aptos, CA a few years back. Elizabeth, the owner, had her little boy with her. It was rather late in the evening; he was in his ‘jammies, about to eat a gourmet dinner made by his Dad. He was upset and didn’t want his Mom to leave him and seat people, even though he’d have the finest care with the Aunties at the restaurant. He wanted her to sit with him while he ate dinner. I could sense that her young son (maybe 6 or 7) had had it with her late nights hosting guests at the family fine restaurant. And I watched the most marvelous thing- she sat down with him. She spent time with him. She checked in and out with the front door, but was by his side most of the time.

This is what our kids need. Give them what they are asking for. Do what you can to meet their emotional needs. Often our children cry out for just a curl-up on our laps, a little story, and a little attention. I’ve found in my counseling career that if you give people what they say they want, it’s finished. Overcome your barriers and just do it. Trust them. Listen to them. Give them what they say they need from you and all will be right-as-rain real soon.

This is the simple solution. Is your child fussing? Ask “What do you need from me right now?” and do it. Read the same book for the 40th time. Put your feet up while your baby wants to snuggle. Put them at ease and show them that you are there for them when they need you most. Just ask what you would like at your child’s age. It’s usually a simple answer- simply some undivided attention with the person you love more than anyone in the Universe: my Mom or Dad.

Email your comments to lorraine@lorrainepursell.com. Please put ‘Evolving Parent’ in the subject. Thank you!

Want to use this article? You may freely IF you add the entire following blurb:
Since 1995, Lorraine Pursell, family counselor and Educational Therapist, empowers parents in Their Greatest Job On Earth. Get your F*R*E*E monthly Parent Empowerment 4-Pack at www.LorrainePursell.com, and see How to Raise Responsible Kids Who Connect With You at www.TheClosenessYouCrave.com.

Follow Your Bliss

Published
by
LorraineP
on January 29, 2009
in Parent Blog
. 0 Comments

Monday, I set out to do some country errands, my first stop being Kona Coast Macadamia Nut and Candy Factory for they have divine white chocolate and they’re only a mile from my house. After my happy purchase, instead of turning right and going the fast way to wherever I was going (oh, laundry in Kainaliu), I decided to take the long, relaxing cruise along Middle Ke’ei Road. This is a glorious meandering that slowly takes you past farm after farm overlooking the spectacular Kealakekua Bay where dolphins live and play. I was surprised how few cars I met.

When I sat at the junction of Napo’opo’o Road to get back up to highway 11 and my date with K&C Washerette, I said to myself, “Ah, it’s so beautiful, just go down to the bay and see what happens; sit there a while and just watch the water.” So I did.

I perched on the rock wall and lazily watched the bright turquoise depths where Captain James Cook was killed because he didn’t keep his promise to the Hawai’ians, and I saw a splash. Typical, I thought, in choppy waters. A moment later I noticed a spray from the same spot- it was a whale- my first sighting this mating and birthing season. Pretty soon another spout and then a tail melting slowly back into the depths. Then a fin. Then two fins. Next, a fin stretched all the way out of the water and remained perpendicular to the water surface until another whale did the same but not as high as his friend’s 20 foot protrusion.

More spouts, more fins, giant dorsals carving the top of the bay in slow motion, tails slicing the water like huge, hot butter knives. And they were all 200 feet away from me.

I eventually made it up to the laundry. K&C Washerette was showing a great movie, so I watched it with an amazing, huge Hawai’ian grandmother whose daughter was on duty. In between washer and dryer loads we laughed out loud together and she caught-me-up on scenes I missed.

Joseph Campbell said to follow your bliss. Robert Schienfeld says to only do that which moves you. I decided to do it. “Shut up, brain! The world won’t end if I take time to do what feeds me.” Can you do the same and see where your inspiration leads you? Inspire your child to see where his or her desire takes them. Make a day of it; follow your nose together, flow, no reasoning involved. Be free. Release routine. Be spontaneous. Say no to responsibilities and breathe. Let go of others’ opinions and live your life the way you want it scripted. I promise that when you relax and follow your heart, life will flow. Have a glass of wine with lunch like they do in Italy. Blow your image.

Could your own small rebellions release your child’s stress? Does he or she worry about grades and school work? Are they over-achieving or over-ambitious? These are all good goals and traits in moderation, but the body can only take so much tension.

Teach your child to relax and enjoy life. But you can only teach from who you are. Words do not teach. Follow your unction. Dare to toss the rules. You and your family will be healthier for it.

Email your comments to lorraine@lorrainepursell.com. Please put ‘Evolving Parent’ in the subject. Thank you!

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Since 1995, Lorraine Pursell, family counselor and Educational Therapist, empowers parents in Their Greatest Job On Earth. Get your F*R*E*E monthly Parent Empowerment 4-Pack at www.LorrainePursell.com, and see How to Raise Responsible Kids Who Connect With You at www.TheClosenessYouCrave.com.